im not the most ‘social’ person in the world…im not friendly…like..at all…I just go all awkward and uneasy whenever im with unfamiliar faces…I also suck at making conversations which just makes matters worst..
Im not a snob..but..people always get the wrong idea..Well..Can’t blame them. though…I give them no reason to believe otherwise..Im usually a jolly person..I honestly talked a lot..that is, if im with people im really comfortabl with..i have a whole arsenal of crazy antics with me..things that are weird, childish, sometimes gross…the bottom line is…I am actually quite fun to be with…I guess..
But..It’s like I have this split personality thing going on…As much as I am stupid and vocal and just being me with those people im really comfortable with…it’s sort of the contrary whenever im with strangers or even people that im not comfortable with…I rarely talk…I cant maintain eye-contact..I stutter…I become all awkward…and conscious..and I hate the feeling…It’s like…im totally clueless on how to interact with new acquaintances…I go all poised and I dunno..im just afraid that they might judge me or something….
That’s why im often called rude…and that’s why a lot of people are awkward with me..whenever I talk with them, I cant really look them in the eye…what can I do??..im just too shy to do it!..but apparently, they would hold it against me and call me rude…arent they the ones rude??…whatever..
I also don’t smile a lot..that’s why some would actually think of me as ‘suplada’ or arrogant…im not….its just that…I think it is kind of weird if you would actually walk down the street with a smile plastered on your face„,with no apparent reason..baliw-baliwan..ganun??..And whenever I pass by somebody I know….i would revert my eyes somewhere and pretend not see him or her…I know it looks rude and unpolitely but…I have this reservation that they might not smile back if I smiled at them…im just shy..too shy…And besides..im afraid to embarrass myself..and whenever I talk with people im not comfortable with…I almost always end up embarrassing myself….I always ran out of words to say…or etc…That’s why..most of the time..i distance myself from other people…
Im a loner, alright..i only got few friends..and most of them are kids ways below my age line…yah..pathetic..i know…
That’s why…My friends are important to me..aside from my family..they are the force that actually stops me from giving up..it my sound cheesy…and so not me…coz..im not a showy kinda person..i am still quite reserved even with the best of my friends…I may not show them…but I do care..and im actually scared if they would turn their backs on me…
That’s why im not showy..and I may even seem to ignore them..and at times I do…I could also be so unaware and careless about their feelings but that is just a defense mechanism..Everyone of us does have..in a way or another anyway….Im just so afraid to share all of me with them…because..im afraid to be hurt if those people whom I learned to trust would actually turn their backs on me….that’s why I always reserve a part of me…..a part that belongs to myself and myself alone…
Anyways..how did it ever went to that???..im talking about being socially-challenged here…Wtf…I got carried away…whatever..
So…if you knew some people who are arrogant or a snob…don’t judge them,..there is always two sides of the story…what you feel or observe is just the half of it…what may seem in the surface isn’t really what it is inside…Not all people are Ms. Friendship…some of ‘em are like the opposite..Actually..if you know some people who are like me…you should actually reach out to them.„,they might feel a whole lot awkward..and so would you…but..people like me just needs some push for us to interact normally..you should actually be insistent to the point of annoyance…I think this is what we need…for you to make us feel welcome…that you would not judge us whatever …It you could be this annoying person…you could actually help people like me…or sort of like me…
So……..that’s all I guess………
..AaaaaHhhhhhh!!!!..i need friends!!!
